Happy Birthday, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
I am so very sorry that this letter is a month and almost a week late. One day when you’re older, I’ll explain it to you and I hope you will understand. Actually I know you will because that is the type of person that you are. Happy 7th Birthday, sweet JuneBug, Thomas. To say that I love you is like saying an ocean is a little bit of water. And you being seven, well I still can’t believe that.….June 1, 2005 seems like it was just yesterday just adds to the difficulty in understanding how we are where we are today.

Since, the day you were born, people will stop me and tell me how beautiful and handsome and smart and kind you are. You ask a lot of questions and make me have to think more than I would like to at times.

You are kind in a way that touches me in a place in my heart I didn’t even know I had. You compliment people on exactly the thing they are most proud of or the thing they love about themselves. On award day in the First Grade, you were given the title of Friendship King in your class. As always, I am amazed by your kindness and your gift of friendship. You tell me that I’ve made a good dinner – and I’m sure this may seem silly but somedays that’s the nicest thing I’ve heard. When we were in Florida and we were trying to get to a movie on time, you grabbed my hand and said “Mommy, let’s run and hold holds, so you don’t fall”. Always looking out for others, Thomas. That’s you.

You are flexible, Thomas. You even got an award for it this year. Sometimes, I shake my head when I remember that award and you are telling me that you don’t want to eat what I want for dinner or you don’t want to go shopping with me but then I remember what it means. It means that you remember what is right and make good decisions even when others around you are not. You are indeed flexible Thomas. Life hasn’t been easy but you still remember to smile, have a good time and do your best. And I don’t know what can be more flexible than that.

You are confident and you are not a quitter. You almost always do well at everything you try and when you don’t do well, you get frustrated but you certainly don’t give up. This was so true when you were in ice hockey this year. It was so hard for Mommy to see you get frustrated but you never gave up. There were tears but you kept at it and by the end of the session, you were getting it and it felt good that you didn’t give up, I could tell. I was so proud of you, Thomas.

This has been a big year in your life…in both of our lives – it wasn’t always easy Thomas, it wasn’t always pain free – but I will promise you this – it was, in every single second, worth it. Worth it because we keep showing up, you are here, Daddy is here and I am here and what else could be better than that?!

Years from now when you read this and I’m still calling you June Bug, just know that is who you will be to me forever and ever. Please know that I am proud of the boy that you have become and are and there is not a day that goes by that you aren’t loved. Please never, ever doubt how much you are loved.

Please know that every single day I have and still love you ~ I have enjoyed being your Mama in each moment since the day I found out there was going to be a you. And I do feel that you do know and feel how very much I love you because you are the only person that has heard my heartbeat from the inside and every day you are the reason that my heart does beat. Loudly and strongly it beats for you, June Bug.

Happy Birthday, Thomas. I love you so very much. Love, Mama